Saturday, August 29, 2009

Free Will -- There's always a fork in the road, a spoon or a steak knife...

Meditation For The Day

Breathe in the inspiration of goodness and truth. It is the spirit of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love. It is readily available if we are willing to accept it wholeheartedly.

God has given us two things– His spirit and the power of choice – to accept or not, as we will.We have the gift of free will. When we choose the path of selfishness and greed and pride, we are refusing to accept God's spirit. When we choose the path of love and service, we accept God's spirit and it flows into us and makes all things new.

Prayer For The Day: I pray that I may choose the right way. I pray that I may try to follow it to the end.


Choices -- some are simple, like deciding to leave a lucrative programming career to teach high school math and raise my own daughter. Other decisions are more difficult, like deciding what 2 sides to get with my Turkey entree at Boston Market.

Regardless, I believe it is my choice -- my responsibility -- and depending upon the choices I make, my life might take a different turn.

Sue, do you really believe that you have that kind of control in your life?

Control? Ha, if I had control, I would be able to drink only 2 classes of Moet rather than 2 bottles at a sitting. No, it's more like I have the ability to choose my own direction. And my direction may determine the roads I travel in my life.

So, you don't believe in destiny or predetermination at all?

Wow, an extremely existentialist question before my morning cup of Joe. To simplify this multi-faceted topic, life is like a video game. Let's call it The DeAngelis House of Doom. I can muddle through, go left, right, up, down... I can take on a whole clan of zombies with only a half clip and a smile or bail out down some sewage pipes below.

My goal is the same -- to get to the end, win the game, while accumulating as many points as possible.

I still don't get it, Sue.

Zombie analogy too weird for ya? Okay, I believe no matter what choices we make during our lifetime, in the end, all roads lead to the same place. But the paths we choose and how we interact with others during our travels, define who we truly are as individuals.

Enough said. I have to decide what I'm going to do first this morning -- the laundry, food shopping, cleaning the house. No stress, if I don't get to it today, it'll get done eventually.


Help me decide -- scrambled or over easy for breakfast?

What is your take on Free Will and Destiny? What happened when you tried the Freaky Math Trick?

Learn more about the Susan/Susan Recovery Project or visit posts on Acceptance, Change, Waste, Balance, Selflessness, Happiness/misery, or Imperfection.

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Friday, August 28, 2009

Acceptance -- Is this gonna be Forever?

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may willingly submit to whatever spiritual discipline
is necessary. I pray that I may accept whatever it takes to live a
better life.

*** please note -- I am not affiliated with any advertisement ***


My version of The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to Accept I'm an alcoholic/addict,
the courage to Accept I'm an alcoholic/addict,
the wisdom to Accept I'm an alcoholic/addict.

See the pattern here?

Yes, you guessed it -- I have a huge issue with ACCEPTANCE!

Seven years ago, I came kicking and screaming into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, completely beaten down physically, emotionally and spirituality. Still, I was looking for a quick fix for my misery.

Ha, as most of you know, a quick fix would be like putting a bandaide on an amputation.

Whether or not you're an addict, letting go and letting God
-- truly letting go -- can be more difficult than...
* sitting through The Notebook without getting choked up.
* shopping at the Hershey Chocolate Shoppe during a 3 day fast.
* trying on bathing suits in an open dressing room.

Today, I accept that I have no control over the obsessions that plague me.
I accept that I must turn over control to a power greater than me.
And I accept and pray letting go of control will bring peace and serenity in my life.

To sum it up, I have to Accept+Submit+Relinquish=Serenity...


Just in case I get into trouble, my safe word is BANANA.

Do you have trouble with Acceptance?

Learn more about the Susan/Susan Recovery Project or visit posts on Change, Waste, Balance, Selflessness, Happiness/misery, or Imperfection.

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Change -- Can you spare some Change?

Keep It Simple

Things do not change, we do.
---Henry David Thoreau

There are still as many bars as there were when we were drinking. There are still lots of drugs around.The world hasn’t changed. What’s changed is that we now live a different way of life.

We’ve learned that, for us, alcohol and other drugs are poison.For us, there are now two worlds: the world we left behind, and our new world of recovery. In our old world, we’d try to get everyone else to change. We had the right. In our new world, we look for ways we can change for the better. In our new life, we’re willing to change.

Prayer for the Day: I pray that I may be like a mighty river, always changing.
Action for the Day: I will list changes I need to make in my new life.

***Warning Video contains language/profanity***


One thing I know for sure -- it's certainly time to change.

I'm in what I call a transition period -- in between sentences -- in a rut -- a midlife crisis -- growing and regressing at a constant rate. Well, I guess it's better than two steps forward and three steps back.

I realize change is relative and what I consider change might be completely different from the next person. But what I think most can agree is that the outside influences of this world can make change very difficult. Healthy expectations and society's are not one in the same. Since society's not going to change, I guess it's up to me.

Today, I will follow the action of the day and make a list of some of the changes I need in my life.

1) Get up and out -- move more and eat healthier.
2) Spend more energy on honesty and less on isolation.
3) Procrastinate less and organize more.
4) Be more patient with myself and others.
5) Be open minded and take suggestions.
6) Get my petrified butt to a face to face meeting.
7) Buy milk and bread -- oops, wrong list.

As the great Peter Brady once said, "When it's time to change, you've got to rearrange."

I hope when I start rearranging that I don't trip over the furniture.


What changes, if any, do you have to make in your life?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Waste Not -- Want Not

Walk In Dry Places

Waste Utilization
Releasing the past

Today the world faces seemingly insurmountable problems with solid and liquid waste. Communities struggle to find solutions as waste accumulates and space for disposal sites grows scarce.

As recovering people, we have a similar problem with waste residues from our past. We don't seem to be able to bury bad memories; like the physical waste in the environment, they come back to poison us.

The best answer is to use waste, not throw it away. Instead of trying to bury the past, let's keep it in view but let it be purified by the sunlight of honesty and humility. By admitting past wrongs and forgiving everyone involved.... including ourselves..... we turn waste into useful experience. Nature can do this with much physical waste, over time. we can also let our spiritual nature do that with the emotional and mental waste of our past.

I'll realize that every past mistake and experience can be properly utilized today for something good and uplifting.

*** Warning *** Semi-Adult Content


Sue, why the heck are you talking about WASTE today?

Ha, I thought the same thing, but this daily brings up important points that can assist in my recovery.

Often, I ask myself, "How did I get this way?"

As the topic states, the problems, resentments -- the waste -- accumulated in our past are the poisons that feed our disease. They are the dukie that clogs the pipes of our lives. They are the backup that stops-up our progress.

Ah, I'm a poet and didn't know it.

Sue, how do I get past these plumbing problems?

I'm glad you asked... the answer is D-N-R...

Do Not Resuscitate?


Dive - Delve into your past and present -- discover and attack the poison.
Navigate - Direct the poison -- Release the bad and Redirect the good.
Recycle - Recycle the good that comes from the bad.

Sue, how can good come from bad?

As the saying goes, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Even though bad is bad (and sometimes very bad), good can always come out of it -- learning from your past and sharing your experience, strength and hope with others.

Enough said -- I'm off to dive into the murky waters of my past. Does anyone out there know CPR?


To my READERS: If you have a quote, song or blog/site that you would like featured on my blog, you can email me at

What are your thoughts on WASTE and D-N-R?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Balance -- Step on the Scale, please...

Keep It Simple

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.
---Friedrick Nietzsche

All of us have a child inside. We may see that child as a friend or as a enemy. Many of us were taught that growing up meant doing away with our inner child. It was as if being a child was bad and being an adult was good.

If we try to be only an adult, the child cries, ”Let me run free and show you the beauty of the world.” If we try to be only a child, we find the adult in using us saying, “It’s time to grow up.”

Let’s find a balance. Remember, the adult needs the wonder found in the eyes of the child. Remember, the child needs the loving care of the adult. The child lives where we find our spirit. Our Higher Power is the prefect balance of the two.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me be both the child and the adult. I need both.
Action for the Day: Today, I’ll make time to be a child and to be an adult.


Nietzsche -- brings back memories of a course I took as an undergraduate in college -- existentialism. Although I enjoy philosophising, I agonized through this course.

When I signed up for the course, I didn't even know what existentialism meant. My Motivation for enduring lectures on the obscure meaning of life, death and the intermittent? No classes on Fridays!

Ah, the warped mentality of an addict.

Although the famous philosopher's statement is sexist, I do agree we should embrace and nurture our inner child. For some of us, however, we regress, and have difficulty finding the balance.

Balance... if it were easy, why would we coin the phrase 'balancing act'?

I see things in either bright neon or black and white.
I think north and south or east and west -- polar extremes.
I still can't have just one -- and that's not just potato chips.
A day does not go by that I don't question my existence and wonder whether I should live or die.

I was told in early recovery the more I find peace, the less my moods and desires would swing. The more I drift away from the program and a spiritually sound lifestyle, I have come to believe the fellowship was correct.

Will I ever become a balanced individual?

NOW: Susan = Susan + /Susan

= American's Next Top Model + Little Women
= single cheese & fries + grilled chicken salad
= Pessimist + Optimist
= superficial + cerebral
= Playful + grounded
= runaway + role model
= selfish + selfless
= hopeless + hopeful
= hopeful + hopeless
= child + adult

GOAL: Susan = A Balanced ME


For my Followers: G wasn't at the game, nor did I expect him to be. But I'll keep you posted (wink and a smile).

What's your equation and how do you create Balance in your life?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Attraction -- Watch your step... First one is a Doosey

Daily Inspirational Quotes

"Watch your manner of speech if you wish to develop a peaceful state of mind. Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful."
--Norman Vincent Peale


Yesterday, I did as promised. I put on a happy face for my daughter at the field hockey game and was a semi-success. Today, however, is round 2, the field hockey tourney. This time, it's much longer -- a three way -- and not the good kind (oops sorry, just kidding, my bad).

I'm feeling a little frisky this morning.

Maybe it's because I saw a glimpse of my former self yesterday, the good social butterfly self. Mingling was my forte when I was boozin' it. And luckily, it's one of the qualities that has remained in sobriety.

Maybe I'm feeling this way because I felt something stir inside me at the game -- a feeling that has been dead for quite some time.
My confession? I felt an attraction for a man -- a man that I will call G.

SCENE: Sunday, at my daughter's field hockey game -- I'm standing at the Team Merchandise table, embarrassed for leaving my wallet and checkbook home. The unfriendly woman behind the table has a very heavy accent -- maybe Lithuanian. When asked the price of the tee-shirts, it sounds like she said $50.

How much are the tee-shirts? (said to me with my back turned)
Susan: I think $15. (I turn around)
Wow, he looks like a cross between McSteamy on Grey's Anatomy and Anderson Cooper... And Bonus -- no wedding ring.
Fifteen sounds better than fifty. (he smiles)
Say something clever, Sue... say something clever.
Are you nuts? I look like a stand in for Orville the pig from Green Acres.

Susan giggles then shuffles away.

Susan: Yeah, fifteen sounds much better.


As a woman who used to overlap boyfriends and engagements, it's inconceivable that I haven't been in the company of the opposite sex for the high end of triple digits. Feeling unattractive, the last thing I want to be is touched.
Another confession? Even when I had 5% body fat, I used to insist on making love in darkness equivalent to a solar eclipse.

When G spoke to me, something erupted inside, like a dormant volcano disturbed from its slumber. And I realized, yet another tragic aspect of enabling my disease -- the absence of romantic love .

Okay, enough of this Harlequin talk.

Today, I started my day with a thimble full of hope rather than a pocket full of sour grapes. The sun is shining -- it's still a beautiful day.


For my Readers: Thank you ALL for your wonderful comments and encouragement. You fuel my desire to complete my project.

How did you start off your day?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Selflessness -- You want me to do WHAT?

Daily Inspiration

Life has a way of working itself out if you simply make the best of this moment, one moment at a time. Lord, You have given me this moment.

Grant me the wisdom to live it in a way that will make a difference for me and for those around me. No one has ever asked of God and not received an answer.

Lord, bless me with quiet resolve to hear You and wisdom to accept Your Will.


Today, I've got to wipe myself off, give my kicks a spit shine and head over to my daughter's first college field hockey scrimmage. Help!

SCENE: Sue's conversation with her daughter, M, the day before the game.

M: So Mom, the coach is looking forward to talking to you at the tailgate party after the game.
Susan: Me, why does she want to talk to me? (she says defensively)
M: It's about fundraising, the Europe trip next summer... you know you're going to have to mingle with all of the parents, right?

As Susan watches her daughter leave the room, her heart begins to pound faster and faster.

Susan: What am I gonna say? Worse, what am I gonna to wear? Is it possible to lose 40 pounds overnight? Why can't I just stay home and have one of her friends videotape the game for me?
/Susan: Now stop it, Sue. Don't let your disease ruin your daughter's special day. Not everything is about you.

Susan takes a deep breath. She knows what she has to do.

Susan: Hey M -- (she shouts to her daughter's room down the hall) -- don't worry. I'll wow 'em tomorrow.


Yes, I had one of my Carrie moments..."They're all gonna to laugh at you; they're all gonna laugh at you; they're all gonna laugh at you."

Today, I'll change into my Wonder Woman costume and keep the Daily Inspiration in my head and heart throughout the day's events.


Wish me Luck!

What have you done lately that is completely selfless?