Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Isolation -- I'm a Bitch; I'm a Lover; I'm a Child; I'm a Mother...

Grapevine, October 1959 -- a letter from Bill

"I used to be ashamed of my condition and so didn't talk about it. But nowadays I freely confess I am a depressive, and this has attracted other depressives to me. Working with them has helped a great deal."




ME?

Although I freely confess my innermost insecurities and inadequacies in my blog, I still wear a mask in the world outside.

For a couple of reasons...

1) I'm a teacher.
In society, it's frowned upon having a former champagne drownin', Jack Daniels guzzlin', Cocaine snortin' role model educating our youth.

2) I'm scared.
I'm afraid to let others see the ugliness inside of me. Hell, I'm afraid to take a real look at the ugliness inside me. You see what happened to the goat!

So on the outside, I hide behind my mask and thank God, my Higher Power, that I have others who don't run away when I show them a little peak.

Sue

Do you wear a mask? Why?

12 comments:

Shadow said...

yes i wear a mask, i have trust issues. and whatever i bare to you know, i live in fear that you will use it against me... honestly. but i've come to realise that is not entirely true. with a select few, i don't hesitate to be honest and take off the mask. but it is a small small select few...

Shadow said...

hey, she doesn't shed a tear, since she's done it, cleaned herself with her tears and is now accepting, recovering, living... the past can no longer hurt her...

dAAve said...

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment.
I hope you will find your way back to meetings. That's where I get all the help I need. Without them, I'd be dead.

Lou said...

I know how you feel about being anonymous, but what I have learned blogging is that if someone wants to find out who you are, it is really not that hard.
That said, I don't let it stop me.
I don't tell most people I know in real life either, because it would stifle what I say.

Reader Wil said...

Hi Sue! At the age of 75 1/2 it would be silly to wear a mask, wouldn't it? Anybody may see my face and know me as I am. I have know secrets. May be I was wearing a mask when I was a teenager. The only thing I had to learn was, that nobody is really ugly inside. According to my religion, we must first accept ourselves in order to be able to love others. If you dislike yourself you will never love others. I am sure you are a beautiful person inside and outside! Thanks for your visit!

Gin said...

I wear a mask with many of my friends. Only my very close friends now what is going on at home. To the rest all is well due to the smile that is always on my face. The mask hides it well.

Steve E. said...

Well, wearing a mask--of course. I would more likely call it discernment
of sharing. Also, what would be my motive to tell everything to all?

It is unfair to lay myself inside out for the world to see...unfair to others. It might even make me less effective if God wishes to use me to help others. Who knew?

Cloudia said...

This meat-suit we wear here on earth is itself a mask. Your truth shines brightly, sometimes too brightly perhaps for those who live most deeply in illusion. I identify with your persona of truth and honesty at this blog. My life has been a similar battle -except for the past couple of years really. Now I'm on the path I created and found stone by stone and just celebrate daily. The veil thins. For you too?
Aloha
glad to meet you, my Sister!
Comfort Spiral

Madison said...

I like your reason #1. Reason #2 and the masked goat - now that is a lie. You're not ugly.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

Provocative, and what a telling (and sad) video to illustrate your point.

I used to wear masks when I had no idea who I was; I like to think I've become more trusting of myself to show what I'm thinking & feeling. And I'm lucky to teach at an alternative school where it's more acceptable to admit what kinds of trials I've come through.

blessings

Angela said...

Another awesome post!!! WOW girl..what a blessing that you stopped by my blog,,now I've been able to come and spend some time with you...

I could relate to what you have written here..yepper,,got a mask on here at times...I all the above that you have written...

Trudy said...

Yeah...I still have my masks. I wear it to hide the fact that I deal with depression, that I hurt. It has taught me that I cannot rely on anyone but God to get me through the days. I used to think I was in control of things--so foolish of me!

Day by day, I'm getting better. I can see God working in my life more, through people that I know IRL, and people her on the Internet. I'm just thankful that I can SEE this working...that He's letting me know that together, we can win this battle.