Sunday, August 16, 2009

Project -- Day 1, Day 1, Start Over Again


From Daily Reflections...

"I HAD DROPPED OUT"
We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have "harmed" other people. What kinds of "harm" do people do one another, anyway?

To define the word "harm" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS , p. 80

ME?

I think I'm a decent person. Just the other day, I helped an old woman get a can of tomatoes from the top shelf at the supermarket -- a big deal for a woman only 5' 4'' on a big hair day. I say please, thank you, your welcome and always hold the door open for others. Hell, I even let my daughter have the last piece of pizza for dinner last night.

"I don't harm anyone," I thought.

But deep inside, I know I do. I harm myself. In fact, I torture myself.


Today's my 7 year anniversity of sobriety, but I don't feel like celebrating. I want to treat it like any other day. Maybe it's because I don't feel worthy -- or sober for that matter. Just another example of my daily dose of self thoathing.

Today I realize that my brain's a crazy place to live -- amongst the scurrying squirrels, sarcasim and low self esteem. It used to be a nice place ot visit, but today I certainly don't want to live here anymore.

Now, stop it Sue. Day 1...

6 comments:

Blasé said...

If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else in a healthy manner, imho.

Mary Christine said...

I hope you will have success at stopping that spiral.

Lou said...

Susan, you will find a lot of support on the recovery blogs here.

I hate to hear anyone say they don't like themselves. You have a great job, great daughter, you are going on 7 years sober. Sounds like you have lots of blessings to get you started on a more affirmative path.

This is a neat idea you have here, keep it up.

Just Be Real said...

((((Susan))))
Here listening dear one.

Little M said...

I hear you and I get it. Deep down we're more alike than different aren't we!

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Sometimes I have trouble focusing on the positve and being self-nurturing. I decided to remind myself when I feel that way to stop beating myself up. We are only human, can only do what we can do and it sounds like you do many wonderful things. Focus on all your positives and when Mr. Negative shows up, kick him in the rear!! Love your idea!!